Fasting from self

August 13, 2014 § Leave a comment

June 19, 2014

Physical. Time. The last summer to spend with friends I would split paths with and would most likely never hear from again having just graduated. Simplicity. 4 shirts, 3 pants, 1 pair of shoes. 1 backpack. Stripped of privilege and access. Communication. Media and the outside world. Here and now. With no affirmation of action from peers-no distractions.

Emotional. Control. My future- the possibility that I may be returning to no future. No plan. No opportunity. Individuality. I don’t look the same without my style, without my stuff. Comfort. Familiar languages, foods, climate. No time orientation. Security. If I’m being vulnerable today, I am scared. So much unknown.

We fasted. We became hungry. We started to look to something else to be fed. We prayed. We confessed. We repented. We watched. We listened. We prayed more. We wept. We became angry. We were confused. We were touched.

There are periods of time where I just sit in silence and realize that the world is actually very quiet. We are a generation that is so desperate to hear God’s voice, but I wonder if He is always shouting and pleading with us through all the noise of our lives. Fasting from the noise, I have realized that I am too weak to even acknowledge my own barriers to God’s voice, I just expect Him to speak louder. He has granted a part of Himself to always be with me in my conscience, has allowed His own Son to suffer ultimate shame to death to become an intercessor, and yet I always feel like He is just “too far.” The beauty of grace is that God still desires to meet us where we are, but I believe we need to be consistently reevaluating if we are fully allowing ourselves to be placed  in a position to listen.

Deny yourself.

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